emily's ramblings

Two midterms, a lab, and a paper due within the next 5 days. Flying out to Seattle for President’s weekend. Turning 21. 1 more midterm, 2 more papers, and 3 more labs to go. And 4 finals in 3 consecutive days. Then, I’m flying out to New Orleans.

The weeks have been and will be going by so quickly, yet this quarter feels like it’s never going to end. I don’t think I was ready to come back. Or let’s face it. I didn’t want to come back to reality where I need to focus on school, find an internship, and worry about what I’m going to do with my life. Because in all honesty, I don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t know what I want.

I’m so excited to go to Seattle, though I should actually be worried about all the programming knowledge I need to brush up on. But this trip will be like a mini-escape, especially after this hell week, where I will finally be by myself and on my own. Because I need some time to myself, away from all familiarities and comfort.

I need to focus on school, but I can’t. There’s too many distractions and too many excuses to not. There are too many thoughts jumbled inside my head that I need to sort out. I need to make more decisions, have more definitive answers. I need to stop being so unsure of myself, so afraid of the choices I’ll make and just start trusting myself.

And I know that in the end, everything will be okay and looking back, I’ll be laughing at this moment of struggle, insecurity, and indecisiveness. But the wait getting to this point is killing me.